Legendaries
by BlandGardener
Summary: Sometimes there just aren't enough legendaries to go around.


"Nice!" shouted Axton as he blasted the infamous Doc Mercy in the face with his shotgun. The large doctor was knocked off of his feet and slid awkwardly down the stairs towards him.

"Now, here comes my favorite part", he said to himself, as he approached him and prepared to loot the body.

Suddenly, Salvador sprints out of Doc Mercy's hut at the top of the stairs for some strange reason and lunges down towards Doc Mercy. Axton watches in disbelief as Salvador begins rummaging through Doc Mercy's pockets.

"Hell Yeah!" screams Salvador as he lifts Doc Mercy's colorful, legendary Infinity pistol. He presses a switch on the side and reveals that it has a laser sight as well as a laser crosshair. He aims down towards Axton to get a feel for it.

"Dude, No!" said Axton, shaking his head. "That's my kill! That's my fucking gun!"

"¿Qué?" asked Salvador as he walked down the steps towards him. "I think not, friend. I hold the gun; I hold the power. Maybe I let you have the next one, eh?"

Salvador chuckled as he walked down past Axton, who stood there wondering what just happened.

"Nah", he said, deciding to turn and level his shotgun at Salvador's departing back, "I think I'll take this one."

He pulled the trigger, blasting Salvador right in the back.

**.**

Later, in the Caustic Caverns, Maya had Krieg in a phaselock and blasted him repeatedly with an incendiary Good Touch SMG. Eventually, he slipped out of her reach and fell to the ground, dropping the Norfleet rocket launcher he had just snatched.

She ran over to his smoldering corpse, going too far too quickly to really feel remorse about what she did.

"Fucker!", she screamed as she kicked him in the stomach. "I told you I called it!"

"Maya!" screamed Gaige as she and Zer0 ran towards her. Maya attempted to stand in front of Krieg's body until he digitized and redigitized back at the New U station.

"What's up?" Gaige asked. "I heard you were fighting Vermivorous. You OK?"

"A challenging fight", Zer0 said. "You should have waited for us. We are a team, right?"

"Ummmm...right", Maya said, chuckling and swaying her arms a bit. "Of course! I should have called you! What was I thinking? _Aaaah_. Stupid me."

Gaige leaned over to the side of Maya to get a better look at the charred corpse behind her. Maya nearly immediately recognized this and leaned in that direction to block her view.

"You know what?" Maya asked, covering. "You guys are totally right. I was just going to go farm the Hodunks in the dust! Want to join me! Sounds like fun, right?"

Gaige managed to see Krieg's infamous buzzax behind her.

"Was that Krieg?" Gaige asked her. "What happened to him?"

"Oh, he got hit by a stray varkid bomb", Maya answered. "You know, sometimes it just isn't your day."

"Hmmm", mumbled Gaige as she looked around behind Maya before spotting the Norfleet on the ground. "O...M...G. Is that a Norfleet?"

All three of them looked at the destructive, legendary rocket launcher before looking at each other in the eyes. Maya looked into Gaige's eyes before looking at Zer0's mask. Gaige's gaze shifted uneasily from Maya to Zer0. Zer0 watched them both with a calm peace of mind but held his hands on the hilt of his blade, ready to digistruct it into existence at a milisecond's notice. It was a classic Truxican standoff. Only there wasn't any Truxicans.

Maya raised her Good Touch and fired numerous burning shots into Gaige's chest, propeling her backwards as Gaige herself let off a flurry from her own corrosive plasma caster. She was aiming for Maya's face but as she was falling, she instead caught her on her left inner thigh, right by her groin and ripped burning holes down the length of Maya's left leg.

"Fuck!" screamed Maya as she fell over to her left side, running her arms over her smoking groin and leg. The acid was burning through her soft tissue, making her scream out in pain. Zer0, tilted his head, watching her in curious amusement.

"Fucking bitch!" Maya screamed again before looking up and noticing Zer0 there. She reached out to him with her shaky, tattooed hand. "Z-Zer0; h-help me ... please."

Zer0 pulled out his blade and lunged towards her.

"No!" she screamed as he descended upon her, bring his blade in a side motion swipe in front of him.

**.**

In the Three Horns Divide, Axton picked up an Unkempt Harorld revolver from the snow only to have Gaige's Deathtrap tackle him to the ground.

**.**

Salvador blasted Maya with the giant rocket turret when she picked up Boom Bewm's bonus package grenade mod at the Southern Shelf.

**.**

Krieg grinded his buzzax into Gaige's face for the Hellfire SMG in Frostburn Canyon.

**.**

"Ah!" screamed Axton as Zer0 sliced off the hand that was holding the Slagga in the Dust.

**.**

Maya bent down to pick up the Hammer Buster from McNally's corpse in the Dust, only to get shot in the head by Zer0's sniper rifle from a canyon nook high above her. He reloaded and prepared to head down to take the assualt rifle as Maya fell to the ground. However, this revealed his position to Axton below, who took out his entire position with a single rocket.

**.**

The vault hunters were in Crimson Raiders HQ with Lilith, who was rewarding them for taking out the Cult of the Firehawk. She handed a Flame of the Firehawk shield to Salvador, something which triggered Krieg.

He took his buzzax and stabbed him in the back. The others watched in silence as Salvador fell to his knees before falling onto his face, already dead. Krieg followed him, though, taking his buzzax out and began whacking him in the spine over and over, flinging blood everywhere.

"Krieg!" Lilith shouted to get his attention. "Krieg! KRIEG!"

"WHAT?!" shouted Krieg, looking at her, ready to strike.

"I had enough shields for all six of you", Lilith told him.

The other vault hunters groaned in annoyance.

"Fucking idiot", muttered Zer0.

He looked down at Salvador's body, breathing hard. Salvador's body eventually digitized and he would probably be coming back from the New U station pissed off.

"I GUESS I'LL TAKE TWO!" Krieg shouted to her from his crouched position.

**.**

At the Eridium Blight, Krieg pilfered the Badaboom rocket launcher from King Mong's body and began running with it. Salvador was there to blast him with two double barreled shotguns to the chest. Salvador then dropped a shotgun and began running in the opposite direction with the rocket launcher. He ran head-on into Maya's runner, who ran him right over. She accelerated past him and turned around to come back to pick up the Badaboom.

When she had it, she sped away towards the road to the Arid Nexus. Zer0 had been hiding in the backseat. He leaped forward in the passenger seat, catching her by surprise. He leaned over and slit her throat with one of his kunai before pushing her out of the vehicle.

He began driving the same way she had, going to Arid Nexus. He saw that Gaige was waiting for him, standing at the head of the bridge with a common pistol in her claw. He chuckled to himself of her stupidity and put the pedal to the metal. He was going to turn her into a puddle if she didn't get out of his way.

Unbeknownst to him, she was nearly maxed out on Anarchy stacks. She raised her gun and began shooting at him. She missed on eight straight shots but the ninth barely glanced off of the hood. That was enough to combust the entire vehicle and destroy the gas tank, making the entire thing explode, taking Zer0 with it.

"Ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" She began laughing evily at the sky as loud as she could.

She was still laughing as she walked towards the flaming remains of the vehicle. She only stopped when she noticed the unharmed, colorful legendary rocket launcher nearby. She went over and picked it up.

"Oh cool", she said with glee. "A Badaboom."

**.**

Handsome Jack sat bleeding in the Warrior's Vault next to Lilith and the still active vault key.

"What ... the... fuck?" was all that could say.

Lilith couldn't believe it herself. She just sat there, shaking her head. They were being such fucking idiots.

They watched as Zer0 somersaulted over Gaige as she desperately tried to shoot him. She missed him with all five bullets but continued to chase him towards an ammo station, still shooting.

Salvador shot Krieg with a shotgun up close and point blank but it didn't even register. Krieg swiped at his head with his buzzax but Salvador ducked underneath it. Krieg turned around and breathed a cone of fire towards Salvador, who ducked away from the intense heat.

Axton and Maya, meanwhile, were in a stand off. Both were behind rocks, periodically shooting at the other before ducking back behind cover.

"You know, we don't have to do this!" Axton yelled from his position. "We're on the same team!" He leaned over to the side and shot off a few shots with his assault rifle taking out a bunch of rocks near where her head would be.

She frantically ducked down away from his aim as he took out some more rocks and crawled to her left. She waited until he stopped firing to raise her head and handgun over her cover to wait for him.

"I know how you work!" she yelled at him. "You're just saying that so you can shoot me in the back!"

"Pfft!" scoffed Axton. "I resent that! Oh crap!"

Axton had raised his head to talk to her and she took the opportunity to squeeze off a few shots towards his head. He quickly ducked back down as the bullets whizzed past him so close he could feel the heat. He touched his ear and brought his hand to his eyes. His ear was bleeding as one of the bullets had grazed him.

"Wow!" he yelled to her. "You're getting _good_!"

**.**

Handsome Jack and Lilith watched as Maya ran towards Zer0, with fiery phoenix wings on her back, to hit him with an orb of energy only to find that it was a hologram decoy. She then ran off as a camoflauged Zer0 chased her down with his blade in hand.

Axton flung down a turret that encased him in a Phalanx shield. The turret simultaneously fired rockets as he fired his assault rifle at any of the others who passed by him.

Krieg morphed into his Badass Mutant form and ran towards Axton's position. He swiped and slashed at Axton's phalanx shield with his deformed arms and buzzax.

"GIVE ME YOUR LIVER!" he shouted. "GIVE ME YOUR SPLEEN! KIDNEYS! HEART! I WANT TO EAT WHAT YOU'VE EATEN TODAY! GIVE ME EVERYTHING!"

Krieg seemed to be unaffected by Axton's fire and even his turret's rockets.

All of this was after the Warrior was killed and had released his hold on the Conference Call. They were of course, at war over it.

"Are they ever gonna kill me?" wondered Handsome Jack aloud.

"I'll kill you", answered Lilith, preparing her siren powers.

"That's a little anticlimactic, don't you think?" asked Jack.

"Yeah, I guess you're right", she admitted, settling back down.

"Who are you betting on?"

"I want them all to fall in the lava."

"Yeah, that would be pretty cool. Don't tell anybody I said that."


End file.
